Light and River

I  guess the final semester is suffocating not really because of the workload... Heart: Okay, academic first. My marks have been fairly okay that I can push a bit harder and earn myself a first class degree. Brain: But, am I doing it right in terms of the effort put? What if more effort is needed?  Heart: What if this is what I can afford for now? What if I say, this is my working style? I work best under the pressure of deadlines.... Brain: ...Is it....inefficient? Heart: Maybe I need to be more consistent? I don't really have other driving motivations as strong as the deadlines to keep me productive. Brain: Maybe if I'm not so perfectionist, I can spend the day doing various activities from fun things to academic stuff to walking, IDK.  Heart: I'm so obsessed with spending the entire day to only one thing. For example if I start the day with Harry Potter.. Brain:...I end it with Harry Potter. *Sigh* Heart: ...And throughout the day?...

Heart: It's funny how some of your closest "friends" claim that they'll be there for you to open up. And when you finally loosen up to give a hint on your internal struggles, they simply dismiss it by telling you in advance that work life is much harder, or that you need to hang out with people ...yada yada (note that I haven't even start to tell anything) or worst, leave you at seen. And then again, they tell you that it's unhealthy to keep it all inside. Trust me, brain, I'm no longer offended.  Brain: Well, Sabrina. You don't ask for their wellbeing, either. You just assume them to be in good hands, based on their social media.  Heart: Well, well, I'm not that thick. People say social media only shows the best sides of a person so sometimes I do think of asking them about their life and stuff. You know, not just "what's up". I want deeper conversations. Heart-to-heart. But then, I can see how they have others who can list...

Another birthday, another excuse to write. Happy birthday, Mummy Snowball The Ultimate Cuteness. May Allah bless you with rizq and age. ———Allow me to offer some thanks to other people in this special occasion. Although they might not read, I find the joy in writing what I wish I could tell them, and the joy in knowing that you know what I have for them. I’ll address you later, saving the best for the last. 🎗🎗🎗🎗🎗🎗🎗🎗🎗🎗🎗🎗🎗🎗🎗🎗🎗🎗🎗🎗🎗🎗🎗🎗🎗🎗🎗 Dear Patima, I know you’re not gonna read this nor will you ever understand my Malay in the slowest pace I could ever converse in and in the loudest voice I can ever speak with. And nor will you understand my Tamil, because I myself don’t understand it. But here you go, Thank you for giving birth to my snowball on this date, exactly 45 years ago.  Thank you for being who you are because there’s a saying that  diamond is created under pressure .  Allah turns you into lenses for me ...

I didn't know that Jakun and Sakai are names of ethnic groups. I use Jakun often and I feel guilty and I believe many of us don't know these either, so I believe it worth sharing. I just wrote something about racism yesterday on Facebook because of the post on Hero Remaja which featured participants from diverse racial and cultural background. I’ve read the demeaning comments and felt so bad because to criticize physical features which people are born with will never be a dismissive issue. Just about time, a video on bashing ethnic slurs was posted by SAYS. It popped up on my feed, explaining what Jakun and Sakai are. The video made me realize that I can do better in appreciating diversity, simply by replacing the word such as Jakun with words which actually indicate what I’m trying to convey e.g. over-excitement. The video on Orang Asli reminds me to one Orang Asli friend in Ipoh when I was in primary school. I rarely recollect this particular memory, and it’s a fond mem...

Brain: Hello everyone, I'm Sabrina's brain, the overthinker... Heart: ...And I'm Sabrina's heart, the carefree one, but a bit sensitive. Brain: I assist the heart to rationalize its sensitivity. Heart: I assist the brain in finding the value for its thoughts. Brain: I value tangibility. Practicality. We are not living in an ideal world. Heart: I value spirituality. The essence. We can be the way we want the world to be, as a start. Brain: We quarrel a lot... Heart: ...Like an old married couple Brain: ...But at the end of every battle,  Heart: ...We aim to work together,  Brain: ...To assist Sabrina, Heart: ...In acknowledging her feelings, Brain: ...Reasoning her feelings, Heart: ...Questioning her reasoning, Brain: ....Questioning her questioning, Heart and Brain: ...And achieves peace with herself. We are raw. We are the unfiltered thoughts and feelings, intertwined. Sometimes, we wander away from the issue ...